Claudia Osmond ~ Reader, Writer, and Ruminator

Riding the KingCoaster

In Reading on March 21, 2013 at 9:56 pm

I’m a big, yellow-bellied, lily-livered, boneless chicken. (I blame my cousin for making me watch black-and-white horror movies when I was little, while the adults visited and he had to keep me from getting bored. For the record: I was never bored. Ever.) So this is a big deal:

Tonight, for the first time ever, I stepped in line to ride the KingCoaster*, one of – if not THE – world’s most frightening rides. And I’m about to pee my pants in anticipation.

You know the sitch: That heart-pumping, sweaty-palm suspense of what’s to come; hearing the terrified, electrifying screams of those who’ve gone before you; bearing witness to the blanched yet exhilarated countenances of individuals exiting the ride. You wanna do it. You don’t wanna do it. You love the fear of the unknown. You hate the fear of the unknown. You’re intrigued by what others have said about it. You’re horrified by what others have said about it. The longer the wait, the more intense the anxiety. The closer you get to the front of the line, the more you want to slip under the metal bars into the sparsely populated fast-track lane and hoof it the other way. But you don’t. You stay in line. You wipe your palms on your cut-offs. You take deliberate, meditative (but completely ineffectual) breaths. You repeat to yourself that it won’t be as petrifying as you think it will be. And you hold your pee.

Step forward: I remember the contented ride of the Toews-Go-Round.

Step forward: And the giddy buzz of racing down Riordan River Rapids.

Step forward: The Gardner-A-Whirl was fully enjoyable from line up to landing and, although somewhat intense,

Step forward: The Tower of Collins was a thrilling plunge.

Step forward: Even experiencing  The Tunnel of Gaiman wasn’t half as distressing as what I’m feeling now.

Step forward: I’m convinced I’ve made a mistake.

But this understanding comes a second too late, at the sound of the harness being locked into place: I’ve just been downloaded into the seat. And the furtive thumbs up have been given.

There’s no turning back. The ascent has begun.

I’m now fully committed.

To be continued …

*AKA: THE SHINING.

Imagine my surprise …

In writing on February 19, 2013 at 8:00 am

… when I was about to walk out the front door on February 18, 2013 and the mailman was just leaving the front step. February 18 was Family Day, a long weekend holiday. I wasn’t expecting mail.

Imagine my surprise …

… when I spotted and then plucked an envelope, addressed to me from the Ontario Arts Council, out of my mailbox. ”Well, here we are. My ‘we regret to inform you’ notice,” I said to my husband as I brought the letter inside. “At least I can stop checking the mailbox every day now.”

Imagine my surprise …

… when I tore open the envelope and found it to be fuller than I remember it being in previous years. There was more than just the usual one-pager in there.

Imagine my surprise …

… when I slowly opened the top flap of paper, upside down, and, peeking into the fold, quickly searched the inverted and creased first line for the word “regret”

Imagine my surprise …

… when I couldn’t find it. When I read and reread those upside down words a couple of times before it dawned on me that “regret” had been replaced

by the word

pleased

“… I am pleased to inform you …”

Pleased? Pleased?

I flipped the paper rightside up and unfolded the entire thing as my eyes skipped wildly across the rest of the opening paragraph:

“Dear Claudia …”

“… the Ontario Arts Council …”

“… you have been awarded …”

“… ‘The Other Wyre’ …”

” … cheque is enclosed.”

My misty hazel-browns slid down to examine the handwritten signature at the bottom.

And then I rechecked the name at the top.

It was still mine. Claudia Osmond.

Imagine my family’s surprise …

… when I jumped up and down on the living room floor in my snow boots, coat, scarf and mitts, shouting and crying and crying and shouting:

“I got it! I got it! I got it! I can’t believe I got it!”

I still can’t believe it. The process is fierce. What makes a successful applicant is unpindownable.

But it’s true. Thank my good God, it is true.

I am beyond grateful to the Ontario Arts Council and its jurors for their support and affirmation.

And for believing an eleven-year-old girl named Theodora has a story worth telling.

It. Is. Aliiiiiiiive

In website, writing on February 19, 2013 at 7:30 am

Okay. It’s not alive. But it is live.

That’s right! My all-new, fully renovated, totally rad website! And to help celebrate its auspicious launch, I’m going to hold an interview. With me.

Now, I know it’s not a usual thing to do, having an interview with yourself, but so what? Live while you’re young.

Below you’ll find the content of the Q&A page of my website. And after you’re finished reading it, please use the screenshot at the bottom of this post as your portal to check out the rest of the site.

Happy reading! And please do send me some feedback and/or comments, if you’re so inclined.

Claudia Osmond – Writer of Words

 

How did you become a writer?
By writing. Seriously.

Did you always want to be a writer?
Not in the professional sense of the word. It’s just part of who I am. I need to write. I must write. If I don’t, I get all restless and feel like something’s missing, like I’m not doing what I should be doing. So I don’t think it’s that I always wanted to be a writer – it’s more like I just had to figure out how to cultivate and release what has always been inside me.

Where do you get your ideas from?
Good question! I don’t even know. Ideas have this habit of popping up from nowhere and everywhere all at once. They’re very sneaky, unpredictable little things. And if you aren’t quick enough, they’ll disappear just as fast as they appeared – kind of like those little amusement park gophers you have to try to bop on the head with a rubber mallet before they disappear back into their holes. So as a writer it’s my job to be prepared to grab the little guys whenever and wherever they show up. And, of course, once I’ve got a hold of one I’ve also got to be prepared to keep it entertained or else it’ll get bored and go looking for someone else to play with.

What are some of your favorite books?
I love Sally Gardner’s books, namely I CORIANDER, THE RED NECKLACE, and most recently MAGGOT MOON. I also adore Markus Zusak’s, THE BOOK THIEF, Neil Gaiman’s CORALINE and THE GRAVEYARD BOOK, and Kenneth Oppel’s new THE APPRENTICESHIP OF VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN series. And I’m absolutely mad for Dr. Seuss!

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to become a writer?
First of all: READ. And when you read don’t just read; enter the stories. Experience them. That way, you can add those experiences to your own personal experiences and the pool of creativity that you need to pull from when you write will widen and deepen. Not to mention, the pop-up idea gophers will multiply as a result as well. Also, become interested in anything and everything in the world around you. Use your senses and commit to memory smells, sounds, tastes, sights, and textures. Practice composing descriptions of those things as if you had to describe them to someone who’d never experienced them before. How would you describe the sound of snoring, the taste of a pomegranate, the smell of a sewer? Furthermore, you must also be a very keen observer of people: Study how they interact, walk, talk, eat, sit, sleep, cry, laugh … You get the picture. And finally, never go anywhere without something to write with, preferably a notebook and a pen. But a gum wrapper will do in a pinch.

Are you going to write more books?
Yes. Many more.

Do you follow a routine when you write?
No. I wish I could offer you a fail-proof writing plan, but I can’t survive with routine for very long – it suffocates me. I need to live within a certain degree of chaos. That’s how I operate. The only thing I can tell you that would be anywhere near routine would be that I have a big mug of coffee every morning. (Although, some people may consider that an addiction, not a routine ) A friend of mine has a great motto: Make a plan, change the plan. But most times, I don’t even get to the “make a plan” part!

Which of your characters is most like you?
All of them have a bit of me in them. I can’t say that any one of them is more like me than any other. (Although, I do constantly have internal monologues like Smudge does!)

Now please allow me to present claudiaosmond.com in its entirety:

Note: What you are about to experience is fully due to the creative genius of Grand WebMaster Flash, Paul Agius. Please do pay him a visit, too. And if you’re in need of a website overhaul of your own, I can’t recommend him highly enough. He’s a brilliantly intuitive designer.

Click to visit website

Click to visit website
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